We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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