Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
