Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
