Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Fuck appropriateness.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
