Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
