I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
