two words...techno handjob
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize