Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
