im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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