Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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