Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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