I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
