there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize