What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
