So drunk its hurt
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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