i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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