I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
