I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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