she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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