you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
