one two three fourrrrnication!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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