Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
