3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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