I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
