Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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