I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
