I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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