before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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