Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
