i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
