Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
