I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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