One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
