dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
