So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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