Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
