So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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