He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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