You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
