Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
