Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The feeling are messing with the penis
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
