So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's never too late to be topless.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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