So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
