That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
