i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You can't just leave with hair like that
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
