i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
