Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
