If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
