This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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