Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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