You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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