just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
