There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
