I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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