I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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