There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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