my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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