the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
