I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize